Stop saying you want to wear big sweaters in winter and look super thin when you eat like a fat girl. To be skinny you have to eat like a skinny girl. I know you binged the day before but that doesn’t give you a free pass to eat like a pig. Remember your goal, remember why you’re doing this. I thought you wanted to make people envy you at how perfect you are? well you can’t do that while stuffing your face like a farm animal. 

To be skinny you have to eat like you are skinny. So get the hell out the kitchen and sweat those calories out of yourself. Don’t be as useless as you look, prove the people who called you fat wrong. 

so yesterday and today, i let myself go. i ate 1300+ calories both days. i feel horrible but i’m fasting until saturday so hopefully that will make up for it. will update tomorrow. goodnight lovelies 🌙🌸

so i binged.

1 cup cheerios – 100 cal

1 turkey ranch and cheese wrap – 303 cal

hazelnut spread – 206 cal

total: 609.

i’m a fucking failure. i’m never going to be thin.

so today was okay.. my boyfriend and i are having a rough patch (kind of. i’m just an insecure piece of shit.) so that’s shitty. i relapsed and it’s been a long time since i’ve cut deeper or cut on my arm so it hurts a bit more than i’m used to. i lost 2.8 pounds though. so that’s good.

current weight: 214.9lbs / 97.5kg

today, for breakfast, i ate 1/2 a honeydew (180) with some unsweetened green tea (0). 

for lunch i had a chocolate chip pancake (150) with water (obvs 0). 

then i got upset and emotionally ate 6 cheez it’s (33) and a can of abc, 123 chef boyardee soup with meatballs (520). 

i only burnt 92 calories today in a hot bath.

so, my net is 792. it’s not horrible, but it’s still bad. i’m still a pig. probably going to gain tomorrow.
until then, goodnight and sleep well my loves 🌙🌸

so the first day was completed. i’m gonna update everyday from now on hopefully. if i miss a day i’ll update the next day.

day 1

breakfast // nothing

lunch // 1 serving of tortilla chips w/ salsa: 116 cal

1 fajita chicken quesadilla: 666 cal

4oz dark chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream: 240 calories

dinner// nothing

snacks// 2 rice cake w/ half a tablespoon peanut butter on each: 175 cal

total: 1,197 cal

burnt: 433 cal

net: 764 cal

yesterday was my mom’s birthday, so we went out to a mexican restaurant for lunch for her birthday. after my dad decided to get ice cream. then i came home and walked 1.75 miles, and took a hot bath which burns 140 cals per hour. 🙂 i’ll update on my day tonight! hopefully i don’t binge!

LOG YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU EAT. this way you know how many calories, carbs and fats you’re taking in, and you still have time to alter your intake before you consume it. 

so, yesterday started out really well. my breakfast was only 157 calories. then i had a nutella single with blueberries. 286 calories.

my best friend and i planned on going to a haunted house and we did, but before we went to her cousin’s 8th birthday. on the way there, i stopped by wendy’s and got an asiago chicken ranch sandwich, with fries and a diet coke. 724 calories.

then, when i got to the party with her, they asked me if i wanted pizza. i said no thanks. then they were like “oh, we both know you want pizza.” and they gave me a slice so i felt like i had to eat it. 280 calories.

then they dragged out the ice cream cake. i said i’d never tried it before and then they gave me a slice to try and i felt like i had to eat all of that too.. 359 calories.

so altogether, i had 1,892 calories. 

then we went to the haunted house but i had to turn my phone off so i don’t know how many calories were burnt.

woo. i fucking hate myself.

right now i’m in the middle of a 24 hour fast, and i’ve slept through most of it lmao. but i’m 12/13 hours in, so that’s good. half way.

i’m going to go on a walk to try to burn off some calories. so until tomorrow. 😦

so on monday i’m going to start the ana in training diet. this diet is a four week diet and is supposed to help you get on track. i’m only doing it because i’ve been eating a shit ton lately and i need to lower my intake again. here’s the diet:

week one

monday: 850 cal

tuesday: 800 cal

wednesday: 750

thursday: 700

friday: 750

saturday: 800

sunday: 850

week two

monday: 750

tuesday: 700

wednesday: 650

thursday: 600

friday: 650

saturday: 700

sunday: 750

week three

monday: 650

tuesday: 600

wednesday: 550

thursday: 500

friday: 550

saturday: 600

sunday: 650

week four (final week!)

monday: 550

tuesday: 500

wednesday: 450

thursday: 400

friday: 450

saturday: 500

sunday: 550

rules: 

must start on a monday. 

fruits and veggies DO count.

any extra calories must be worked off.

to recover, do this in reverse.

______

i might try to shorten this depending on how well i do, so it might only be two or three weeks. i’ll update twice a week, monday + friday, and maybe more if i feel up to it. 

until then, i’m going to try to fast. 🙂

when you’re feeling hungry, eat a teaspoon of mustard / vinegar, the taste will cause you to lose your appetite, plus 0 calories!